Daily motivational self improvement Articles, Quotes & Power Tips for relaxation tips page
Motivational Quote of the Day: "Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach."
Get used to dealing with the unexpected (or uncertainty).
In other words, don't wait until you have all the answers, or until you know it all, before taking any action. Don't wait until all conditions are perfect before taking the necessary steps you know you should take.
By mastering this skill, you’ll be able to go out there in the world with courage and confidence, taking one action after another, no matter what the conditions may be.
You’ll be so used to dealing with the unexpected (having the ability to handle anything that comes your way) that even during times when you are not quite 100% prepared, you’ll feel confident in taking action.
The number one characteristic of students who later become heads of companies is the ability to withstand uncertainty.
 Get your own Self Help Library of 73 Powerful Books! Why Get Angry?
If there's any emotion that gives us trouble it's anger.
Experiencing it is hard on bodies. It raises our blood
pressure, causes our hearts and heads to pound, makes us
sweat and shake, and separates us from reason.
We don't need medical studies to tell us this. We know it
makes us feel bad. All that adrenalin rushing around with
no outlet for release. It's a call to action, and often
there's no outlet. We just have to sit and endure. No
wonder we resort to shouting and pounding our fists as if
this would drive the source of our frustration away.
And, sadly, it often does. Anger is also hard on the hearts
of those around us. Expressing it can be detrimental to
relationships. We don't always have the patience and
understanding to listen to our loved one's anger, and the
quality of mercy can become strained.
Is the answer then to suppress our anger? This has become
akin to argument about nature v. nurture, where we attempt
to decide whether a person's personality is nature (the way
they were born) or nurture (the way they were raised). Is
anger nature or nurture? We're born with the ability to get
angry.
If you grow up in a family where emotions are expressed,
then you learn to do the same. You also learn how to
express them, whether in an assertive, constructive manner,
or a hostile, verbal attack.
If you grow up in a family where emotions are considered
"infantile," or "unbecoming," then you learn to repress
them. Your body will still experience them physiologically,
but you aren't mindful about what's going on. In the
worst-case scenario you become numb, unable to connect with
others and with life. We are our emotions, and if you have
none, at least none that others can discern, then for them,
there's no one home!
This history of anger-management is the history of cultures
and times. It's an emotion that, when not contained and
channeled, can be harmful to the individual and to society.
In the US, we've gone through different fads from keeping
a stiff upper lip to letting it all hang out.
What's the common sense approach? What do you innately know
about anger? What do you observe from those around you?
Perhaps you know someone like Bill. He lives in the Sunny
Meadows subdivision. Recently there was a construction
project going on behind his subdivision that was causing
concern. How they built the roads in and out of the project
would affect housing values. At the meetings with city
council, Bill was the spokesman for the group, angrily
stating the case and demanding action.
When you told his wife how glad you were that Bill had taken
on this fight single-handedly, she replied, "He's like this
about everything."
Bill was unable to attend the last meeting because he was in
the heart hospital having tests.
Edward, on the other hand, never gets angry. Even if you
insult him to his face, he just smiles, but it's a smile
that kind of makes you sick. You'd think his life would be
a bed of roses, but Edward suffers from migraines,
osteo-arthritis, and stomach problems. He lives alone
because he can't sustain an intimate relationship. His
partners find he can't deal with conflict.
Sandra is on an even-keel most of the time, though you've
seen her get angry occasionally. When she does, it doesn't
last long, and she expresses herself in an assertive,
direct, and nonviolent manner. She's comfortable with her
emotions, and has had practice choosing appropriate
strategies. She's in control of her feelings, not vice
versa.
When you're around Bill and Edward, you don't feel safe.
Bill is anger looking for a place to happen, and you know
you'll be the object sooner or later. You're afraid Edward
is going to implode some day from holding it all inside, and
that when it does erupt, it's going to be very primitive. There's something to be said for practicing the overt
expression of anger, and Edward has had none. In the
meantime, his shutdowns remind you why the deepest level of
hell in Dante's "Inferno" was ice, not flames.
You feel comfortable around Sandra because you know you're
dealing with a full and balanced personality; someone who is
in control, and making choices about anger and other
emotions. You know that if something's wrong, she's going
to tell you about it before it gets out-of-hand.
Should you hold anger in, or express it outwardly? Research
suggests that either extreme puts you at risk for heart
disease.
Anger is hard on your heart! It's hard on the hearts of
those around you as well.
So what's the solution? It's best not to get angry in the
first place. Failing that ideal, you can develop your
emotional intelligence, and get smart about it. Flexiblity
is an EQ competency, and it appears to be the key to
managing anger.
"It depends" is the answer to how you handle anger.
Sometimes it should be kept in, and sometimes expressed. If
you always hold it in, or always express it, you know
nothing about anger. An "always" strategy with any emotion
is no strategy at all. If you're unable to think about it,
it remains in its raw state. Emotions come from the reptilian and limbic brains. In
order to choose a good coping strategy, you need to be able
to move up to the neocortex and make a decision. This
involves considering the information the emotion is giving
you and decided what to do about it, including doing
nothing. Practice makes perfect, and it starts with
self-awareness. Authors bio: ©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success, and wellness. EQ coach training and certification. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information on this no-residency program training coaches worldwide. Email for free EQ ezine.
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